TnAtheist - I’ve been a preacher for 27 years, my son. And every time I get up there and tell people to “keep praying, keep believing, keep loving; for I have seen the coming of the glory of the Lord” I keep asking myself what it’s all for. I haven’t seen any coming… and I don’t know if there will be a coming. I’m just wondering how I can hold it all together… I mean… if it comes out that I don’t believe, my whole life, my family, my neighbors… will fall to pieces. Some days I tell myself to just keep faking it and push through… But some days I wonder why I’m continuing to put these ideas in people’s heads… I’m afraid It’s coming to a point where I might have to come out… or “go out” if you know what I mean… It’s a bad situation… but if you read something in the news… just let them know what happened… and tell them I just couldn’t go on. But there is one thing I still believe in… and that’s love… so tell my wife (Mary Ann) and three children (“Katie Bug,” Lilly, and Sarah Elizabeth) that I love them… Thank you TnAtheist… and I’m sorry to put this responsibility on you. Keep doing what you do. And God Bless…. oops…. old habits die hard..

I live in Tennessee, USA. I'm an Atheist. I'm unabashedly girl-crazy; Unashamedly me.

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Anonymous asked

I've been a preacher for 27 years, my son. And every time I get up there and tell people to "keep praying, keep believing, keep loving; for I have seen the coming of the glory of the Lord" I keep asking myself what it's all for. I haven't seen any coming... and I don't know if there will be a coming. I'm just wondering how I can hold it all together... I mean... if it comes out that I don't believe, my whole life, my family, my neighbors... will fall to pieces.

Some days I tell myself to just keep faking it and push through... But some days I wonder why I'm continuing to put these ideas in people's heads...

I'm afraid It's coming to a point where I might have to come out... or "go out" if you know what I mean... It's a bad situation... but if you read something in the news... just let them know what happened... and tell them I just couldn't go on. But there is one thing I still believe in... and that's love... so tell my wife (Mary Ann) and three children ("Katie Bug," Lilly, and Sarah Elizabeth) that I love them...

Thank you TnAtheist... and I'm sorry to put this responsibility on you. Keep doing what you do.

And God Bless....

oops.... old habits die hard..

I can only imagine the hardship you’re living through right now and my heart goes out to you. Coming to terms with what you find true is a difficult path for anyone, but laying the responsibilities of a leader on top of that must be that much harder.

You have a difficult road ahead of you. But know you’re not alone. There are many priests and preachers who have lost their faith but continue their ministries out of fear of coming out or fear of not knowing how to do anything else.

Daniel Dennett (Tufts University) has done some work with priests and preachers in similar situations and might be able to point you towards some social peer groups where it may be easier to openly discuss what you’re feeling.

Being honest to yourself is a good first step. Keep those that you love close to you by making them a part your journey. I’m not saying you should deconvert your loved ones, but rather just keep them in the loop with what you’re going through, the questions you’re having and the answers you’re coming to. All in all, they will still love you because you’re YOU and not because of what you hold to be true.

I wish you the best, sir.